Aye, and Avast
by old copperhead
Summary: Jack Sparrow returns to Port Royal.


Here's the deal: Captain Jack Sparrow and his confreres were in Port Royal once more, and their arrival occasioned much consternation and surprise among th oeple there. Trumpets sounded and the children were raptured and awe-struck and the sun gazed down intenrtly upon the pirate discourse.

Will Turner and James Norrington and Dob and Eulin (the two Royal Sailors wrere silly bastards) were all there to greet them. Joshamme Gibs stood sround with his eyes bulging and mouth drooping open like some sneak-thief rapist and the Anna MAria negress pirate bellowed idiotic Pidgin jabber at the top of her lungs, and Cotton's parrot threatend the vortiue of severzl women who gae unseemly stares at Mr Cotton.

'Gentlemen and ladies, we are in grave danger,' said Jack Sparrow, gesticulating like a lemur of despicability and ill renown. His eyes met those of countless persons ther,e and they wretre wrapped up, esconsed in his spell. Encosrceleld.

Miss Elizabeth Swann was wroth, which broke that selfsame spell, and demanded at once that everyone in the city be put to death, with no exceptions, and she bled from her cunt as she spit these wortds. Dob and Eulin apologized and sprang upon Miss Sweann, and, contrary to her rants and ravings, tied the young lady up so tightly that it was maniacal, and gagged her with exceeding tightness, to the extent that her cheeks bulged and the corners of her mouth were pinched.

tyHE tREASURY has been stolen from, and nop one but Miss Swann, Mr Turner knows th ereal cuplrit: Captain Hector Barbossa, who has sank more than fifty ships by his own cunning and subodnred half the British Empire's Royal Navy in one way or other. Noit since the days of Napoleon Bonaparte and Nero had the British faced a more implacable foe than perfidious Mr Balrbossa.

'Why are we in danger? Well in fact, my old First Mate is quick to the kill and iwhses us evil: I speak of Hector Barbossa, a fucking silly goose who wishes us evil and will stop at nothing to retrieve the Fabled Shards of Erebus.' Few indeed knew the import of his words, but they heard something of the powerful passion he projected, and the grim resolve, and the fervor, and ythr knew at once they were involved in the tides of history.

'Now, choosem,' said Soparrow, and he spread his hands and revealed brown teeth like the mud caking the boots of Xenophon's ten thousand in dayys of old, and he scratch his scabies cock and says, 'stand with me and the glorious Empire, or stand with Hector Barbossa AND THE LEGIONS OF LASCIVIOUSNESS.' Jack Sparrow is good man but not everybody trusts him after the ill-fated Black Pearl attack on Port Royal so recently, but that is considered water under the bridge at the moment.

'How can we trust you,' said James Norrington sourly, disliking his lady love Miss Swann treated in such a harsh manner.

'How do we know he's coming?' said Barbossa, and the people knew a moment of gnawing doubt, but the Soparrow rallied them with charm and magnetism and frank honesty. Turner, as if to punctuate his point, gestured at the aqueous expanse on the horizon, which stretched half the World and more, and Dob leaned over and vomited a torrent of belly-gruel upon the stones at his booted feet, and those about him frowned, but they gave him a wide berth and disregarded his antics. Eulin, angular of face and incredibly thin, clutch his turgid cock and hope no one know his emetophilia.

Jack Sparrow held up a hand. 'You are well-bred men, Mr Norrington and Will Tutner. But rest assured: I know Barebossa better than any land living, and I say he approaches with alacrity.' A few scattered gasps, and such is Anna Maria's scandalous outrage that she has to be bound and gagged with preposterous tightness like Honor Blackman and kept with Miss Swann, watched over by Joshamme Gibbs.

That same night Barbossa and the Black Pearl attacked, but everyone cheered and armed themselves and came about to Port Royal's defense as if they were in "Dragonheart", and the fight was begun in earnest. There was uprorar and chaos, and although Mr Norrington was slain by a cannonball blast, the defenders were swiftly victirous. Master of ships and combat though he was, Barbossa knew he was defewated, and to his credit manaaged to order a timely, disciplined retreat for the Black Pearl. Yet Sparrow was there in this hour, and he gave forth with taunts, and Hector had no option exept to engage with the diseased captain, and before the entranced onlookers, over eight hundred strong, he slew Barbossa and held the head aloft. One last cannonball sounded, and Will Turner lurched forward with preternatural speed and saved his freiend Sparrow, knocking him into the surf but taking the blast full in his chest, spewing gore and bone and muscle tissue high into the air. Will sputtered and gasped and died at Port Royal, and the citizens sang a dirge for him now.

Hours later, the honored dead laid out and accounted for, the people of Port Royal merry and celebrat etheir victory and Gibbs caught up with Depp and he said, 'Jack, you did everything you could. The boy offered himself up as a sacrirfce so you could live and the day could still be won. Don't be so swift to melancholy. We are here but a short time. Dourness is a folly.' And Sparrow heard these words, and knew guilt for his young pulchritudinous friend Turner, but he relented, and danced about with Anna Maria, though she was still tightly bound and gagged and would remain so for at least a day. Elizabeth Swann was distraught, and hurled curses through her gag, vowing never to forgive Jack Sparrow for her darling Will's death, and spittle sprayed the cloth gagging her ridiculously tight and she retched and struggled not to vomit, but Sparrow said nothing to her in return. Dob and Eulin took watch over her that night, relieving Gibbs so he could visit a brothel and empty his balls.

Port Royal herafter lived in no danger of incursions by the Black Pearl, demoralized and demented by barbarous bastard Barbossa's demise, and thereafter Jack Sparrow was named Governor, and Cutler Beckett's throat was opened ear-to-ear by the populace. And the people forevermore remembered this battle at the shores, and Miss Swann and Anna Maria were left TIGHTLY tied up, gagged, cursing, and squirming in the ransacked treasury.


End file.
